hmmm...today was fun...won money frm mahjong...played with wilson jin quan jie qi valencia and xiu ren...of which e middle three was a team...wilson crazy one...from lose until no money till won 7 bucks...
n i super lucky also.got 1 round, i got the 4 animals plus my own flower...and i won that game, zi mo some more...muahaha. crazy right. so happy. i could have won more, if not for e second round...but nvm, got win can le.
my mum was saying jordan and ying zi very you li mao...haha. that's wat i think too...lol.
then aft tht went to west mall, then met marcus...he was with his family, n they happened to be buying a hp, so i chatted with him...talked for 10 min i think..then he told me his father goin to organise an extended family trip next yr to hainan island, which is both his n mine homeland...so cool right.haha...i wan also don have...then talked crap...sooo happy i saw him.
then went to the spore river hong bao...nth much la. quite lame actually, but nonetheless still went.
heard frm ying zi that e public speaking in e hall is this thurs, mr ng didnt even tell me, and i am not mentally prepared at all...how???
sch reopening tmr...its really gonna be hell.but who cares. must enjoy life also. cya ppl! hhahahahaha...its Chinese new year...so happy.cos got food and red packets...
although i rotted the whole of this afternoon. later jordan and ying zi came and join me n we played mahjong with my uncle...and jordan and my uncle won...
i'm still very high now...later cant get to sleep. tmr goin out early some more...haha.don care. its once a year.so...must enjoy!!!
jordan and ying zi very cute...seeing them alone makes me happy...haha..they are so....lol.
whatever it is, i'm very happy...haha. dunno whhy. but who cares.
happy chinese new year everyone!!! Hmm...today's the eve of the eve of CNY..cool right. haha. the CO performance wasn that bad la...but the sec 1s, really hopeless, go and throw the sweets and oranges (from teh lion dance) at each other, then kena blasted by tiger...
today wei guo sick, didn come to school...i asked if he was better, and he said he was...lol..good for him, otherwise he won get to eat new year goodies...haha.
had been rather busy lately...essays after essays. finally i don have any work. lit, i shall leave it, history next fri. good. so i will do a little of geog, and maybe a maths. lol
my whole class failed geog...i was trying to cheer them up...but i guess i failed...sigh.
n marcus got 18 for his eng...he aint happy abt it i think.cheer up marcus!!!
lol...i'm quite happy la, even though sth pissed me off...well, its supposed to be a joyous occasion. chatted with jordan for about 20 min last night, today went to eat pizza with wilson jasvin xiu ren and jun hao...then went wilson's house do hwk...then chatted abt hz, marcus, hwk...had a great time..thanks wilson. lol.
well...i don feel any new year mood this yr...but nonetheless, the new year has to come.well, i guess its a routine.
who cares.
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! Yo. Now in school beside mr lim, typing blog...unbelievable right???haha...
ermx. didn do well in physics i guess. but who cares. haha. so happy in school. haha. best days in life man.
hmmm...apparently someone in a bad mood today.. haha. someone la. hope he's fine tmr.
dunno wat to type...so sian. haha. ermx. jasvin tryin to cut into it. he won. muahaha.
later got co. sian. nvm. later then continue. if got time.muahaha. cya. Today had a great day in sch...soo fun. me n marcus had wilson piggy backing us. lol. and thanks fiona for helpin me out in the class stuff...thank you!!!
but i was quite pissed off by a couple in the mrt. i sat down beside this woman who was lying on her bf's lap, and had her butt sticking out. so i accidentally bumped into her, and the man said watch ur ass and started to curse at me. i didn want to invite trouble, so i kept quiet...but come on la, its not as if i wan to take advantage of her, and its his loud cursing which woke her up. stupid. i wonder why would a woman like a man who curses. funny.
well, i got back and slept. then woke up. my mum said this yr my relatives most prob won be eating out, they will use this amt of money to hire a maid to look after my grandmother, bcos of her injured hand. well, my mum was sayin that if she didn work she would look after her. and my third aunt, who isn working, is not cut out for looking after the eldery. well, i cant say anythin...but i think hiring a maid would create more problems. sigh...i wish to help, but i cant.
well, i thought things through...i just want to be myself. so i gave hz another chance, but still i won help him. and, i will try to concentrate on my studies, and providin the class a condusive place to study in, and try not to make the mistake i did to hz for the friends i have now. yeah. new year resolution???lol...
i realised i really enjoy goin to school lately...its so fun...
todays's house meeting was hilarious. we sabo wang qian to be house captain. of course she will reject, and bei xi was the house captain. as for the guys, ermx, sean chua, and his brother keith chua for lower sec. hahaha.
well, quite happy with today...so. goin to do my work. haha. best of luck!!! i have to charge to finish my homework. so i wil type a fast one.
later have to finish my eng essay, then crap out the chi reflections, and finish e lit key qn. all in 2 hrs. possible?
tmr, have to do a maths, e maths, and practice source based. plus the lit wkst.
that seems a lot. maybe i leave the source based first.
today i went to chinatown to feel the cny mood. didn't really get it, but i managed to buy two packets of cartoon red packets. lol.
then i went to orchard. caught a movie, memoirs of a geisha. super nice show.
broke, i went to my grandmother's house. then crap, do a little of lit, then got back.
ermx. there's sth, which i can only tell later.
now, have to finish my eng. i'm a bit tired. good luck!!! i thought i saw marcus online a moment ago...then he disappeared liaoz. lol.
today had a very interesting lesson on alchohols...made me wan to drink. do vodka, brandy and whisky taste nice???never tried them before. hmm.they sound nice. haha.
hmm. mr loh, my physics teacher, was from fairfield methodists. that's mr lim's ex school. mr loh said when he was in fairfield, mr lim was one of the teachers there. my class was like wow...then mr loh siad last time mr lim very dashing de...he had wonderful eyes...haha. then we joked with mr lim...we asked him if he was very handsome in the past.then he said, only in the past arh??haha...
this weekedn got a lot of hwk siah. crazy de. there's eng reader's digest wkst and an essay, chinese reflections, add math and e math assign, SS essay, Lit Twelfth Night key qn, Act 1 scene 5 worksheet (including 3 mini essays), unseen prose, and history essay. apparently miss tay is too busy with her history classes, so i guess i will finish all except the history. i will try to get SS done. soo busy.
maybe this sunday goin out with marcus...depends on whether he wants to come over to singapore. if he chose not to, i guess i will be a little disappointed, but i won blame him...its so far away. we are a country apart. haha. today we chatted so happily during chinese lesson. talked about crap.i enjoyed it.
hmm...today i decided to msg hz. goin to eat e malay tutu my mum bought first. haha.tell u later.














































decided to eat in front of the com. haaha.
eating....

























































done.
doesn taste that good.
oh damn. stomachache.
be back.

























































lol...wat did i wanted to say? oh ya, abt me msgin hz today. somehow or another,i felt that i wasn one who will give up on anyone. its just not typical of me. and suddenly all e good times i have with him (n jordan) came back...its such a waste. so i decided to msg him and ask him if he was still angry with me being a 'nosey parker'.
he said he wasn, and said he thinks tt he doesn deserve me treating him (i asked if he wanna go eat) cos he treats me badly. (i told him i agreed with him). but he still thinks that i'm a nosey parker. he said that he only helped me when me n qian's problem got very bad, and when he didnt complain when i was complaining like anything then. its quite true lah...i must admit. then he asked me if i was sort of wrong to interfere into his problems? did i interfere without him approaching me?? (he also apologised if the msg sounded sarcastic or wrong, or it guai lan me)
Well...i told him, if he don wan me to interfere, fine. its just that i feel a bit manipulated...i can only help him when he wants me to, its like he only allows other to help when he really needs it, otherwise it will be interfering into his prob...but i guess...that's him bah. he will never listen to me...even if i repeat for dunno how many times...i wish he learns and grow. its really time he did.
whatever it is, it's still a fact that i still care for him as a friend. but i guess, i'm not goin to interfere with his problems, that is, unless he approaches me...well, i doubt he will.
after all, he has so many ppl around to play afool with, to joke with...he doesn need me.its just that...i hope the good times with him as a friend will last...same goes for marcus and wilson, and everybody else.
i realised after such a long time, i still fear of losing my friends. i'm afraid they will get angry, blah blah blah...i should have more confidence in myself...
well, i guess i feel better after getting this matter thrashed out...i guess its time i learnt how to settle things myself, rather than asking ppl for advice and not following them.its tough, but i will learn.
i guess its back to hwk...i intend to finish add and e maths, and start with either SS or lit.
Good luck. may all fortune be with me. haha.



Hmm...i just came back from the movie i not stupid too...
i liked the movie quite a lot.its one of the few movies which i can relate to, both as a teenager and a Singaporean. I found the part where the lady was talking to this guy in the coffeeshop extrememly hilarious...wan to know which part??Go find out yourself. haha.
Seriously, i think all of u shld go and watch this show....its a very good film.
Well, it made me think as well.
Sometimes, i find my parents disappointing. They just neglect me at times. Its as if i don exist at all, they can get back late into the night and expect me to get my own dinner. What i need is someone to really care for me, someone who really think the way i think, someone who think that what i am doing is right, even for the most stupid reasons. My parents don't. n i don have a bro. or sis.
I don blame them. i never did. i know they care, otherwise they won buy me stuff that i want (i must request for it,of course) and give me enough privacy to survive. Maybe i am not playing a good part as a child. i usually shut myself in my room after dinner, and hardly talk to them. i am busy with work. its not that i don wan to talk to them, its just that i cant relate to them. the way i think of things and the way they do, its completely different. in fact, i quarreled with my dad a few times because of this. they just don get it.
sigh.
there's still friends.
in the past i don have many good frens. well, i think i do now. justin's right. he said that sometimes u don need to noe whether ppl regard u as a good fren or not. the way they speak to u and treat u will tell everyth. that's very true.
as i mentioned many times, i'm grateful that there're such good frens around me. n i won expect to have a fren to be always listening to my crap, always be with me. i noe its impossible. i'm content, and i guess that's the key to finding happiness.
Sigh...i think i've been doin a terrible job as a chairman lately...don know what happened. I keep complaining about the stuff to the class, like the caught up in the tickets, etc...hope they won get annoyed with me...i will try my best to change.and i hope,i will do a good job which will satisfy everyone.
Hmm...today's agenda. dinner. history essay. a maths. quite manageable.
but tomorrow?
crazy.
worry about tomorrow's things tomorrow. haha.
btw i saw carmen after the movie ended...so surprised to see her. haha.
n marcus, pls keep that to yourself. please???
n really sorry,i hope i din irritate or annoy or disturb u in any way.
goin for dinner...cya. I'm swimming under undone essays...I have history, SS, literature, chinese, eng essays to do...just completed the chinese one, doing the history one later, literature tmr, eng this weekend...maybe SS as well.
So much work to do.
And i have to deal with my CCAs.
Realised that i have neglected them, esp CO...i lost the motivation to correct minor mistakes made by section...i'm just tired i guess. I still have to confirm the prac date of my section with teachers and instructors...blah blah blah. RUbbish ahead of me.
Having mood swings recently...dunno why...a moment ago i was perfectly fine, now i'm not in e mood to do anything...dunno wat has gotten into me.i'm just afraid i will flare up one day...and it won be nice.
Today one of my class air con broke down, and the electricity kept tripping...so we ended up with no air con, only the fans that we got from the OM...bloody warm lah...after PE some more.
And speaking of PE, today's e first time we had an hour session..its tiring.maybe we haven got used to it...and i cant do that many pull ups...do 2 max instead of the usual 4 or 5. have to train. running, fortunately, isn a prob.
i think e OM is bloody irritated by my class ppl...so many of them went to report to him so many times that the people came n repaired it today...fantastic.haha. hopefully it will work tmr. then i don have to run around to sch just to find a better place for the class. Matthew really...aiyah, he's still new.lucky we managed to get AVA for the class for the last period. heng.
tmr watching the show i not stupid too with the class...hope it will be a memorable one.
i asked hz today if he was still angry at me being at noseyparker...he didn reply.
Btw, this was wat happened.
i asked him if he was angry at her for talkin to other guys, he said he dunno,he doesn feel like being angry with anyone. so i told him, he shld change, blah blah blah, and eat with her. maybe my tone wasn too kind. maybe my approach was wrong. but still he...aiyah.i'm a nosey parker. a 'friend' who cares too much. here was wat he said to me.
"eh u darn nosey u noe onot.y do u noe so much things?n its not i dun wan eat w her or i punishing her.u jus mind ur own business.who r u to reprimand me.i did offer to eat w her,but too late,she found a suitable target.nw y am i telling so much to u,u have no right to reprimand me watsoever,y u care so much,u like her isit."
my blood boiled when i saw this. it really did.
maybe i'm overconcerned. its just tough to be his friend. and anyway, i don care anymore. he made it so. he has only himself to blame when he has no one to look for when he needs help. i'm pissed.
enough of this...its over.

its over.

i rather think of better stuff. haha.
Btw marcus, u do play god in my life. haha. depends on how u wan to interpret it.
public speaking coming soon...i think i noe wat i wan to talk about.
but i have to prepare for one in front of the whole lvl...damn it...
What shld i do??? Fashion is a balancing act for a mellow mind like yours. Comfort reigns supreme, and you won't sacrifice a lot of it just to stock up on what will likely be a passing fad (Ugg boots, anyone?). Your closet is probably filled with more classic styles, colors, and looks than anything else.After all, you try to make your look fun and don't take fashion too seriously. But that's exactly what makes you so stylish and interesting. Your look highlights who you are — and that's the hottest thing going. Dots...got back my a math paper...that's like so fast...ermx, got 28 out of 35...still not that bad, but i expected 30...well, marcus expected 30 as well, but he got 32...he should have given me the 2 marks...lol..that happened for last yr's english as well...
Today's e maths was okayy....easy in fact. but i made a very silly mistake.it should be sin85, i put it as sin200!!!!!!and i managed to spot it, but i didnt have time to change everything...so the last part, worth 2 marks, was gone...mayb 1 mark for working...so, a total of 4 marks is gone....this test can get full marks de lorhz....sigh.why am i so careless??????
SS was okayy, hope i got the purpose correct...if not, i think at least 5 marks gone...and the inference...i am not sure if i got it also...
suddenly i'm so unsure of everything.
whatever.
Wei guo gave me his blog ytd, and i read the whole thing by today...i know that's crazy, but i am really bored...so...his blog made me think...and made me envious of him...
He has such good relationship with his cousin...and goes out with frenx so often...well, i don...i don blame anyone, but sometimes i wish i am not that alone...its tiring to be alone. at the same time its tiring to be with people. oh its so contradicting...its tiring to switch over...haiz...
his blog made me think...what do i want in life...i thought of it last night before i slept...i realised i have no idea...i am those kind who are fine with anything...the only thing i wan to do is to travel, travel and travel. nothing else. and maybe teach, or do volunteer work to help those in need. that's all. is that a goal in life???
well...i am back to those lost days...sometimes i just sit in class, and go all silent...i just don feel like talking. and just think, why am i doing all these nonsense??? i just wished i had nothin to do with all this. just hang out everyday with some close frenz, talk crap, and it will be fine. i am just sick and tired of all these, sick and tired of studying for tests. at the same time, arghz...i donno.
I DUNNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am gettin back into depression again. Damn.
Just now msged hz. (btw, i am no gay, i mention him in my entries cos...its really gettin into me)
i asked him if he is still angry with me. well, he said he aint angry with anyone. he said he v sian, and he doesn feel like being angry with anyone. so i said, since u chose not to be angry, why isn he eating with her? is he tryin to punish her for talking to guys?
he didn reply.
and so i added, he shldn be manipulating her. she does belong to him, but she still has the right to talk to others...blah blah blah. i also said that he shld start learning how to deal with things the proper way, otherwise he wld lose all his true frenz. blah blah blah. and i told him to have lunch with her. doubt he will listen
he didn reply either.
why am i doing this???its no longer my prob. its his prob.
I DON WANNA CARE ABT ANYTH ANYMORE!!!
oh damn.
haiz. there's physics tmr. don feel like studyin. i really don feel like studying for tests anymore.
and my grandmother...wonder how she is now...she's quite ke lian actually...with the bandage...then cant do things...but she's bored, and she will start to do some stuff...haiz...how i wish i can help her.
i feel so helpless. useless. feel like crying out loud.
damn.
someone help me!!!
haiz.
Why like that??? Blahz. Realised there are many types of source based questions i am not exposed to, and i am no longer that confident as i was in E maths. Bad NEws.
I am just going to take it easy. Having a headache now...whatever that will come will come. SO, i will just try my best.
I realised i am heart broken to see my grandmother in that state. and i am too busy to help her...it just upsets me...who will ever understand such feelings???Its more than depressed, more than upset, more than anything....
Well...i had a talk with someone over huangzhi ytd...that person said i didnt give up on him, i am just waiting for him to learn how to deal with matters and people in a more appropriate way...perhaps i am...but nonetheless i am not going to care about him...
well, that person is right...he needs a true friend, but that person must be very very patient...i dont have that kind of patience...of course its not only bcos of him not replying that i gave up on him, there are too many reasons...mainly because i don wan myself to be hurt again...am i too selfish to do so???
I know myself...i will not allow myself to refrain from helping somebody if that person needs help...so...sigh...but he isn a person who will tell others his problems...he has his pride, and thus won listen to others....that's his biggest problem...he has to learn how to listen to other's advice at times...he will learn more...
i guess its because of his big family that he doesn noe how to deal with certain stuff...And as a friend, we can only guide him...how i wish he would be different...listen to others a bit more, and think before he does things...it will be better for him this way...i just hope he learns...even if i didnt choose to give up on him, i cant possibly be by his side forever...
sometimes i really wished i hadn made that decision...it pains me...and i guess he brings pain to his beloved as well...I have always regarded him as a true friend...it is true that he does need help, but firstly he doesn accept help, and secondly he doesn cherish friendships...and i am not up to a one way friendship...
Today, he replied and said that i will say stuff again if he didnt reply...what was that supposed to mean???i told him it no longer mattered...it really didn...if he chose not to reply to messages which are meant to be replied, he is just not giving me that little respect, and that is his problem...i just don have the energy to care anymore.
Enough said.
I realised i haven spent time with myself recently...so i think i will go to chinatown this weekend...destress a little...I guess i need it...
Why do people think??? yesterday i went to watch a dramatic monologue with some of my class ppl...mr ng, mr osgodby and miss goh went also...and miss goh still remembers me...haha...
the play's good, i liked it a lot...it talked about how Tubole's (hope i spelt it correctly) speech, which is only 8 lines long, turns the whole plot around in the Merchant of Venice. He told Shylock, the money lender, his daughter's whereabouts and what she did to his ring, which made him revengeful and wanted to take the life of Antonio (a christian, Shylock was a Jew), a man who lent money from him. THe play also made me understand the theme of disguise in Shakespeare's plays better...
THe actor did mention after the play that he didnt like people who SMSed during the play, bcos it would make him feel that he has lost the audience's attention, which will affect his concentration...it's very true...i'm very disturbed when the ppl in the front SMSed...
But he is a fantastic actor...really he is...during the Q&A session, someone asked why he chose to narrate the play using Tubole but not Shylock, and he said it would be better bcos ppl would be able to see the play in a clearer perspective...
I liked the play. I really did.
But before that was disaster in school. If not for my dad who told me that my grandmother was hospitalised, i wouldn have known. My parents have no intention of telling me at all, and i am not very happy with it. They might have meant well, but still, why keep it from me?i have the right to know.
Second thing which pissed me off. i want to know my blood group!!! Apparently my parents don know, and come to think of it, how would parents not know their child's blood group???
So i went to school in a bad mood...and jia min told me that there would be science team auditions...which means i cant do the things i prepared for the sec 2s. damn. and its all so red tape. So i told him i needed to go off (to the hospital of course) and i left.
In the process i did went to CO and check. they weren't together so i couldn really tell them wat i planned also. damn. and apparently they were slacking, and the VP wasn very happy. they isn any new songs, how do u expect them not to slack???
And i heard that the play the school's involved will be in sept or aug, and CO will be performing beauty and the beast...i doubt i will want to perform, but i guess its much later.
Haiz...I realised i really enjoy Marcus presence...i'm no gay, so its as a friend.he really can cheer me up when i was unhappy ytd...he rocks man...but sometimes when i'm in a bad mood, i give ppl a v bad attitude...so if u do see this marcus, i'm sorry...
Of course there's wilson, and next morning, wei guo...jordan as well (sry i hit ur head)...
i am thankful.
Really.
What more can i ask for??? I'm in bad mood today.
Guess it will be there for days.
Lucky there's my class ppl who can cheer me up a little..sniff sniff
My dad says my grandmother has been hospitalized...sigh...dunno wat happened.goin to call him after this...
2 days of the diagnostic tests have passed, well...the papers are quite easy, just that i think i will screw up for the compo. Bio, i aim to get above 30 (hopefully)...2 marks from MCQ is gone when i handed in the paper...shucks man. As for today's chem...it is not that diff, so i hope to score above 35...dunno why but i have the feeling i won't do that well this time...haiz. maybe its because of my bad mood.
my parents are not at home, so i cooked my own dinner...have to go and wash the stuff...sianz...lucky tmr only a maths paper...i am seriously not in the mood to study at all...
and i find myself useless...don even know my own blood group...

what is my blood group??? Damn it. Serious headache. How to study???
Realised the school can get real smart. they want my class to go into the hall only after 4P3 has gone in, which means i have to make my class stand outside the hall first, which is bound to cause congestion. How??? Hope things will go fine during the next assembly.
Sigh. My mum brought my grandmother to the hospital because of her twisted wrist (twisted aint a good term), and isn't back. I feel so bad now, haven't gone to see her, all thanks to the stupid diagnostic tests. Sigh.
Jia Min has been asking me to do things for Crystal lating, resulting me in being late for CO. Its like unfair to CO,especially when i only have to go for one session per week. Sigh. I guess i will tell wei guo...actually i intend to quit Crystal, or not to be such an active member. But if i did so, it will seem as if i am an irresponsible chap. Dilemna.
TOday, during CME, mr lim showed us a video about relationships. During assembly, there was a play on relationships. Sigh. Something struck me. There are people in this world who think that relationships are a waste of time and money, and they won last. But if everyone were to think in this way, where would the seeds of marriage come from?
Now i can understand why huangzhi said he believe it will last for him and her...well, they are not together that often nowadays...hmmm, i not caring about them, so why bother?
The play also mentioned about having sex and stuff...just the thought scares me...
Today's english and emaths lesson were hilarious...haha...won elaborate, no time.
Oh shit, there's still eng EW to write...by friday...oh shit..and chinese as well...arh!!!have to do source based and study chem...oh god...help!!!
Love - paradise or hell? Hmm...there's flood in Johor Bahru...Not sure if marcus' affected...better not be, it would bring him tons of inconvenience...especially when there's diagnostic tests coming up TMR...
speaking of it, i only revised biology once, and still have both a n e maths and phy and chem to revise. oh damn.today goin to do a bit of physics and revise chem, a maths for tmr, and emaths this weekend. Oh,wrong le, tmr have to revise chem again and do source based, then a maths for the day after tmr. Blah.
Sigh...my grandmother twisted her wrist while trying to stand up today...guess she's really getting weak...and no 1 looks after her during weekdays...i am getting more and more worried.
Today i didn't feel like doing anything at all...but still, i forced myself to revise bio and read through both a and e maths txtbooks...i think i am returning to sec 2 days.
And this feeling is getting stronger. I just feel that my eng and lit teacher don't like me, although they haven picked on me or anything. And the way many other teachers talk to me, their tone is more serious, as compared to when they are talking to my class ppl. Or am i thinking too much?
Sigh...all of a sudden i wish i am out of singapore with a few good friends, even it means i have to study like hell...but even then, i realise i enjoy many people's presence...well...hope this feeling will last.
why do things never come out the way we expect them to be? Its getting absolutely crazy....and i mean CRAZY...and it's only the beginning. oh damn it.
The work is enough to scare anyone off. i have 4 chinese essays to write, and chem, e math and phyiscs worksheets to do. History essay due next week. And there's revision for diagnostic tests, and more than half the subjects need it. and there's only one day, which is tomorrow. HELP!!!
Fine. enough of work. It's meant to kill people at the first place. Justin's now struggling with his history essay. Well, he has to write it himself first, otherwise he won't learn. So, it's his effort that matters, and i will help only if circumstances allow. hhahah.
Zhang yuan was saying that vlee doesn like huangzhi...well, i always had that feeling. ANyway it's his problem, not mine. I thrashed it out with him yesterday, and he said fine, so fine. I no longer want to feel how i felt in e past. Yea.
I am just wondering...are singaporeans that caring as they seem to be? only when the monk cried yesterday did the calls increase significantly for the charity show. Or they are just like anyone else, realistic as ever? Yawn...i want to sleep...so tired...helped shawn out, then went to esplanade to watch the co concert...
so disappointed with the esplanade...it is supposed to be world class, but i don think so...firstly, its small. smaller than what i expected. Well, it is quite well decorated though, but i think it is far from those of europe and the states.
Can't believe i actually allowed myself to go to the esplanade with huangzhi. I really don't care about him anymore. That's for sure. But i guess, even then, we can be normal friends. SO that's what we are now. I won't look him up unless necessary, and i wil reply him if does message me. THat's all. Not caring about his stuff.
He brought his bro along...haha...I just find his brother very fun and cute...haha.
But one thing. The horoscope says that i will spend a quiet afternoon with a good friend this weekend. Is it shawn or is it Huangzhi?
Ermz...Wilson has not replied me...haiz...not sure if he is angry or disappointed with me...cos he said i'm useless...haiz...i guess maybe i am...i am useless when dealing with affairs of the heart...i admit it. So...i really did heed his advice this time...hope he isn't angry with me or anything. Or i'm thinking too much again. Sigh.
Now channel u's screening a charity show again...well, i guess singaporeans aren't so willing to donate after the NKF saga, although the calls did increase in number during the performance put up by the monk...oh singaporeans...
Have to go and study bio and physics...but i'm goin to sleep any moment...what should i do? got tons to do...die...there's lit, chinese (5 essays, mind u), physics chem and bio to revise...and of course source based to practise...and i only have today...tmr going to help shawn out in chem and bio, then goin for CO concert at the esplanade...so i won't be free...so tonight will be an all out night. oh. i hate this.
Managed to sort things out...Muahahaha. Here's what i thought, and many agreed.
Huangzhi, of course, is a friend. Well, to him, steadies are more important than anything in this world, including friends. he believes that his someone won leave him. Well, that's what most boyfriends would think, so i won say anything. It may true, god knows. I admit he did help me a bit a few months back, but that was it. I was naive then. I thought this friend would be for eternity if i helped him whenever i could. Well, i was wrong. Apparently, although he held an important position in my heart, it is not true for him. So this friendship has became a one sided thing. He uses busy as an excuse not to reply whatever i have said. So, i thought, and pondered. Since he doesn't cherish this friendship, why should i be upset over him not caring over me? why should i still care so much about him? i got better things to do. He deserves it the fact that i have decided not to care about him anymore. So, until he proves to me that he does cherish this friendship and is not using me in any sense, i will not be moved to change my decision. I HAVE DECIDED AND MY DECISION IS FINAL.
I may seem a little to harsh, but i guess, i have no other choice. i really struggled during this period of time. I guess, its good that it ends this way.
Well, nothing much happened...so...i guess...i'm going off to do work...happy doing.

Do friendship really lasts forever? One week passed....time really flies.
Had been busy with so many admin stuff, which i think is stupid. But i has to be done, anyway...Today was the worst...had to teach theory for Crystal Growing, then had to go to CO to settle stuff.
Had quite a good talk with Marcus today...lol...he's such a nice person.I told him i am beginning to get soft with huangzhi again, then he told me something v funny...haha.
There's always the bad part to life. Whether u like it or not, it will always be there.
Ytd at about 10 huangzhi messaged me telling me that i had not paid for the science team tee. I told him earlier in school that i hadn paid but he insisted that i did. So i told him to tell me earlier so that i could go get the cash if i really didn't pay. Apparently he told me a little too late, and i had to use another part of my money which shouldn't be used. I showed my unhappiness to me ytd, and he apologised to me. Only for that matter, of course. But that is enough to bring me back to the past, which i don't wanna be. I hate myself for that. But what can i do? should i just continue to be what i am, and be miserable, or continue to be firm, and be miserable as well?
i was just thinkin...mayb i can tell him about what i thought of, there's completely no harm in telling. I think i haven't been treating him well lately...and i don like it this way. it is difficult to treat a person bad. it is difficult to hate a person. At least for me. i don hate a person for long. I just hope that he will be more sensitive to my feelings. I have to admit that i agree with what wilson said, he isn't a good friend, but still, can't we at least be normal friends, and go out to eat dinner like in the past?
Or is it all my doing?Is it me being sensitive, and trying to avoid him?Am i trying to shun him? I really don't know. I am so terribly confused.
THen there's CO. I only need to attend once every week. Although i did say i wanted to give up, i realised i will miss my section. ITs something i don really want to admit in front of everybody, but i think it is true.
CO will be performing for CNY, only 40 ppl will be selected. This sept will be our sch performance, but i guess it will be quite impossible for CO to perform, bcos what the sch wants is an accompaniment, jazz music mind u, for an english play, which is CInderalla. SO...i'm not sure.
I'm lazy to type...but just one last thing.
Wilson and Marcus have told me to quit CG. It will be quite irresonsible of me to quit now, but i really don't know.
Should i quit CG? Today's the Twelfth day of Christmas...which is the last day. According to mr osgodby, all christmas decorations should be down, otherwise they would mean bad luck.
Correcting my comment ytd...not sure if jordan's still chairman, it so happened that hongwei was supposedly T2's chairman, but he had to come over, so he's jus holding on to it...mayb it will change. maybe.
Tmr will be a busy day...Jia Min, Hong Wei are going off to buy the chemicals with Mr lim, and i am supposed to teach the sec 2s...i have no idea what to do. i told him to get huangzhi instead, but he said he's not fit to teach. Haiz, why me? I stil have CO to attend to. I wished some1 would help me for either one.
It all lies down to one problem. i am not firm enough. I cannot bring myself to reject anyone's ask for help. It may seem to others a good point, but actually its the biggest flaw that one can have.
Had lunch with wilson...we werre talking about how people tend to regret only after realizing a fact after some time...To be optimistic, its better late than never, but really, it is not so all the time. He forgot and jus realized how good his buddies in lower secondary were. As for myself, i spent too much time and sacrificed more than what i should have for a guy which i think isn't worth it. And of course, neglected the real good friends that i have, especially those in T1. Sorry guys!
Maybe it's a good thing we realized it now...at least we can do something to it before we actually do not have the chance to. I am really grateful and relieved that the friends around me are understanding enough not to blame me for my mistakes, for i really made too many.
But then again, i still feel that it is a pity for a friendship to end like that. Memories still count. I guess i cannot afford to think so much now, i have to concentrate on my studies. I hope my approach is correct this time. It better be, for this is my last chance.
12th day of christmas. Supposed to be a happy occassion. That's the irony of life.

Is it better to realise something late than never to realise it? Hmmm...Mayb bcos i made a bit of noise, Adeline decided to drop the matter...hopefulli this won affect anything, especially the class spirit..keeping my fingers crossed..well, life has to go on.
Realised i have so many things to talk about today...welll...let's start.
Got myself a new physics teacher...it's good, have a new change...
Then...Jordan's stil chairman...expected, but i guess its better not for me to say anything...I don want to end up saying the wrong thing, or whatsoever.
Hong Wei's coming over to my class to study wef of tmr...he looked quite sad act...its understandable why he is sad, but really...the school has neglected him...this should be done last year...well, it's already fixed, nobody can change anything, jus hope that he feels comfortable in my class...and of course, enjoys his stay
Bad NEws. LEAPS doesn't provide any bonus points for L1R5. Grrr...slogged for years for nothing...its a good thing i didn't start of with the points, otherwise it would be disastrous. THey only realised it this year....It's a bit early,huh?
And Zhang Yuan emailed me!!!so happy...haha
Aft school went with marcus to popular...haha.then i realised that i haven been treating them (Wilson included) well...but then he said is ok...i don know, but all i know is i'm treatin huangzhi too well, and i think i'm feeling a bit regretful. Is he really that good a friend? I thought i knew, but now i'm not so sure. Yes, i admit, i'm gettin emotionally unstable. i may jus yell at him one day. But is it all my fault? Perhaps it is. It is a mistake at the first place.
Maybe i'm not fit to judge whether a person makes a good friend or not. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Well...i really don't know. And some things are better left unsaid.
Is busy an excuse or a reason? First day of school today...well...I was quite happi today, seeing all my class peoplez...all so alive and enthusiastic...Until Adeline pissed me off at the end of the day. Damn it.
I wonder what has gotten into her, but she confronted me and demanded that the part of the class fund which the ppl who didnt go to the chalet contributed not be used to pay for the chalet. and she gave me all sorts of reasons. Well, she said its unfair to them. How am i supposed to please soOoOo many ppl at the same time? Its more unfair to me than anyone else, i paid for the BBQ and i didn't complain, what more her? Sigh...
The problem lies with how am i goin to deal with it. Well, I'm goin to announce it to the class, but how? Hmm...I guess i will try to make everything as nice as possible, and try not to allow this to affect the 4T1 spirit. It's onli the start of the year, after all.
Anyway, that aside, i have another problem not settled...that is whether to be the chairman.
There are many reasons why i don want to be, and i'm continuing because i think this is class is the greatest class that i can ever come across and i don mind doing something like that for them. SHould i ask the class again? Or should i accept it?

To be or not to be, that is the question. It's the second day of the new year...which means to say school's reopening....TMR!!!
I still have bio not done...n revision to do for add math n chem...sianzz. Goin to do it LATER,as usual.
Its e new year,here comes the time when people make new year resolutions and wishes....What about myself? i never believe in them...people forget them after a few months...so...just put it my best will do...muahaha.
I'm actually looking forward to school reopening...cos i will get to see my frenz, soOoOo many of them whom i haven seen for weeks or months, n of course my juniors in long pants....haha..Plus next year my class havin cabin classroom!!!hahaha...reminds me of the days in pri sch when i studied in one...
Hmmm...wonder how zhang yuan's doin in toronto...(if i nv rmb wrongly)..it's cold there...good for her. WOnderful place to be.
2005 was a good yr, at least to me it was, found a couple of good frenz, had a wonderful bday, and was finally happy with myself (even though i faced a breakup)...but there are still regrets...wonder when is huangzhi's goin to speak or reply me...i gave up on him, but still, i hope we can be normal frenz..or am i too naive to think in such a way?
So, here comes 2006...everyone will be busy, but still, i hope it wil be like last yr, where we stil can have fun...I'm a bit fearful of the future, but...that's the fun of it i guess...haha.
Can't rmb with whom i had this conversation, but this guy said eating margarine is worse than eating butter because margarine is only ONE molecule less than plastic, which means that when u r eatin margarine, you are actually consuming plastic...hmm. i wonder.
Is is true that margarine is one molecule lesser than plastic???? Hmmm...creating a new blog bcos Si Jia told me to...it's a brand new year,so maybe this is a new start...Haha...
School's reopening in two day's time and I have not completed my work!!!Sigh...This always happens...Goin to do leave that for later...
Realised tt i'm gettin pessimistic over the year...SoOoOoOoOoOo many things have happened...guess i have to learn to be more opti...like wat WEi Guo says...otherwise will affect other pplz...
I guess i haven been writing for a long time...suddenly at a lost of what to write...hhaha...doesn matter...there's always the next time...SoOo...i shall end here...MuA hAhAH..