Something's wrong.
Monday, February 27, 2006
sigh...something is very wrong...i actually told hz off without him provoking me, and wilson is getting fed up with marcus...i think i can do something to the latter (and hopefully things will be fine after that) but as for the former...sigh.sometimes i really do not know what i am thinking...i jus noe that i am tired. i don feel like dealing with all these stuff that i am dealing now...and at the very least i do not want any conflict between two of my best friends. yet, i do not want to be the one ensuring that such conflicts do not occur. i noe, its contradicting, but really, no one wants to do such a tedious thing.
sigh...how i wish marcus is online now, and i can tell him everything...for i have a feeling that things will go very wrong tmr...the premonition, or whatever you call it, is very strong...i fear, but what else can i do?
pls pls..may nothing happen between wilson and marcus...i don have the energy to deal with another conflict...i think i'm goin to collapse within myself soon...
haiz. i need to finish a lit essay before i sleep, and i'm only done with the intro...there're 5 points, i think i will take forever.
forever. not in my dictionary.
pray for me.
cya.
sleepyhead
Saturday, February 25, 2006
nothing can ever take away my love for sleeping...i slept for 3 hrs in the afternoon, and ended up doin nth...so i have to do everyth later...i don mind, for sleeping is the best way to kill time..be happy that you can sleep...hahaanyway, ytd the managing director of diamler chrysler (yup, its e one which produces mercedes benz) came...n he came in a v8 kompressor...super cool. i fell in love with that car the moment i saw it. haha
hmm...goin to relax, bcos i jus came back frm dinner...it wasn nice at all, the food was too salty and oily...i think i'll play the mahjong game, the one which i haven touched for a long, long time...haha.
quite loaded with work, but ya noe, relaxing is impt also...
hmm...ytd i almost yelled at hz, cos he didn noe wat i was hinting at, well, i thought he feigned ignorance...the way he treats py is really unacceptable..asked her to change the way she walks and speaks, then tell her that he has no mood when he sees her, all these nonsense...its really not how a bf shld treat a gf. seriously, he shld just break up if he doesn love her anymore...i told py to break with him, but she still wants to give him another chance...maybe that's the power of love...
as i was saying, i approached him ytd, and hinted abt his 'prob'...n he said i was speaking in a foreign language...well, i didn believe it. i didn believe a single word he said. i still cant believe he's so immature. i didn continue bcos i know it is not appropriate to say it in front of so many ppl, n i don want to risk losing my temper. moreover, its a waste of my breath talking to such a person. i decided not to care abt him, n i will stick to my decision.
well well...enuff of such nonsense...jor is unhappy over sth now..hope he cheers up. cya ppl.
AMERICAN IDOL 5 ROCKS!
Thursday, February 23, 2006
well well...today had my physics n chi test...the chi was easy, but the phy was quite tough...didn noe how to do 3 qn..but who cares, its over. i almost broke down today man...cos of the stupid cip thingy, which clashes with e phy test...but thanks to my class ppl, i felt so much better.
since i had two tests, i decided to slack a little today..goin to do a maths n lit, n prepare for public speaking, then i shall sleep...
hmm...tmr CO will be performing for a grp of german visitors...cool. these visitors, i heard, are from a reknowned company in europe, n hence there'll be a camera crew filming, n this will be broadcasted in europe...tt's super cool. hope nth goes wrong tmr. haha.
just watched american idol season 5...i was so stunned by their performance..both the guys n gals r good. seriously, they can sing, n they perform well. i guess they are up to a tough fight man. ahha.
hmmm...the hawaii trip...i really feel like goin. goin to confirm with my parents again, n if marcus, or anyone else whom i'm close with is goin, i shall go. jordan say he wan to go also...haha. who doesn?
hmm...till then, cya!!
GOOD NEWS.
Monday, February 20, 2006
heard the school's going to organising a trip to hawaii this june...that's good news!!!hope the sec 4s can go...cos the fares are cheap. its only $$$1600 per person. hahah....many ppl frm my class is showing interest...but then again, its our O lvls this year....hope can go bah.ermx....i made a v big decision today. i told marcus everyth...everyth. n i didnt regret it.
well well...i have tons to do today. a chi essay to write, eng thingy to do, a lit essay, and study physics. this week, basically i have a history essay, 1.5 lit essay, a maths, physics, n source based to do...enough to drive me crazy.
what to do..that's a life of a student. however meaningless it might be.
be gone.
Insanity is getting the better of me.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
What is insanity? that's a very...good qn. i mean it. those who are 'normal' think that those who do not belong to them are mad, but i don think so. what we know as normal is actually to follow what they are told to do; yup, normal ppl do not have a mind of their own. mad ppl, for that matter, dare to say what they really feel, and do not fear offending others. (right, marcus???) actually, i want to be mad. it is not a bad thing after all, for u get to do what u really want without having to worry abt what others think of u. yet, in the position i am in, i really cannot afford to offend anyone...i'm stuck.
this afternoon when i was doing my work, i stopped all of a sudden and thought....will things go back to the past? yes, i'm lucky to have soo many good frens around me now. but i'm afraid, to the extend of being paranoid...it all boils down to one thing. i still do not have enough self confidence...i'm afraid that i will do the wrong thing. the fatal mistake that will destroy the strongest of all friendships. but, am i capable of doing so? i just hope things will last...i do not want to become a person who lives on memories...memories will fade and die one day. i cant possibly be remembering everything...yet there is no eternity in this world....argghh...i am soooooooo confused.
well well...i got so much work to do tonight...physics, chem, then source based, then lit, then SS content...what else? and my hist essay. that's enough to kill me. HELP!!!!
sigh...i have been thinking of moving out...cos marcus is saying that he will be moving to spore to stay, at least during weekdays....but his sis is stayin with him of course...anyway its not bcos of that la. i just...want to be independent. i don wan my mum coming into my room n lie, n disturb me....lately i feel like crying. that desire to cry...yet, i am 'normal'. i cant cry in front of everyone...sigh...sometimes when i see jor or marcus. i feel like burst out and cry...i hate controlling myself...sigh. no choice.
goin to do work..byee.
half day...
Friday, February 17, 2006
today's half day, to celebrate the good results done by the previous batch of students...well, it isn exactly a half day, cos we only missed one hour of lessons, n we stayed back in e bio lab till mdm quek chased out...lol...n when we returned to class, we crapped out e chem assignment...so its equivalent to not having a half day at all...lol.anyway, aft sch we went to eat pizza hut...12 of us in all...then someone send me a prank msg...i was so shocked tt i called e person involved...super lame.lol...then realised its all a prank...but funny la...through this i realised sth...not goin to say here...muahaha.
well. aft lunch (branch wld be more appropriate) we went to play tennis...cool man. but my nail cut my own finger, n i stained my new clothe!!!lucky not obvious...then it started raining...sad. so we went to fiona's house, n watched a bit of winter olympics...we were stunned by the 10km ski marathon...its really tough man...then aft that hongwei suggested playing mahjong, and so we played...i played a few rounds, then gave up playing, cos i didn feel like playing...then sat down n chatted with marcus, jin quan and kian hong(hope i didn spell his name wrongly)...chatted abt changyee...then crap. haha.
then sth happened...not really bad larh, but still...doesn matter really. envy marcus for his straightforwardness...how i wish i could be like him...n he really v understanding...he rocks man.haha...
sometimes i wish...sigh...i'm paranoid la...wat i put my heart into didn work out...referring to friendships...now i have a few v good ones, n i don wan to lose them...i'm afraid i will destroy them with my very hands...hope that won happen, for i really cherish all these friendships...really...
i wish my parents won be so...dunno how to say...haiz. they don understand me at all....maybe...i don feel like thinking abt this now. crap.
hmm...rest for a while more, than work!!!haha...cya guys.
Wilson's bday...
Thursday, February 16, 2006
today's wilson's bday...last week me n marcus bought a present for him..a v guai lan one...haha...he's v happy, cos she gave him a gift, and he received many others...good for him.today's mr peacock got so agitated over the subject of freedom of speech in many countries, including spore...i agree with him, but he made it so hilarious that the whole class couldn start laughing...haha. since its a sensitive topic, i shan say anymore...so is there still freedom of speech in spore, when u cannot comment much on such topics, otherwise u risk being jailed???
hmm...marcus is so forgiving...lol...we were debating, not really debating, abt something...then its typical of me to push the blame to myself, then he said there is no need to...so nice of him...i shan compare my frens, but realli, he's a wonderful person...
tmr they are goin to caslin's house to play tennis...i think i'm goin...depends bah. haha.
tests have been postponed again and again...i rather they just get it over and done with...then can save the trouble of studying for nothing...but nonetheless, it will come one day.
differentiating trig eqn can be so fun..but yet confusing...haha. i enjoy doin it...lol. fancy me enjoying doing maths...
well well...i have an hist essay to complete by tonight...wish me luck.
btw, the class is gettin noiser...its a good thing...but.i also dunno. haha....maybe i'm oversensitive to noise...
now....essay time!!!
happy Valentine's day!!!
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
its valentine's day today, which means its one day aft jordan's birthday, and i heard its jonathan (4T2 class chairman) bday today...lol.anyway, a v happy valentine's day to all, and may all ur love be found!!!
haha...cant believe i actually gave her the thing i bought...and good for jordan, he must be over the moon now...n he actually told me the news...i am so honoured. haha.
just now hz told me sth which didn really surprise me, but still...well he doesn listen to me, so i shall take it that i had wasted my breath telling him abt what i felt.
hmmm..i have a new cello recruit...and its quite funny act...this new recruit, originally frm guan yue, is 16, older than i am...and the moment i saw him i had e feeling that i will be in quite close contact with him...dunno why...and he has the talent.haha.
wei guo did something v funny today...he wore this pair of specs which made him super nerd, and pulled up his pants...super gay...its such a pity that i didn get a photo of that...haha.
well well, tmr there's a new student joining my class for a maths...wonder what will happen.
life's always full of surprises, so...let's welcome them!!
read this book, and the main character chose to kill herself because she wasn feeling happy or unhappy. she's sick of living a routined life, and claims that she is courageous enough to kill herself...she was sent to a asylum, where she understood the real meaning of madness.
i didn noe there was so much behind madness...maybe that's sophistication behind what seems to be simple. and i guess, its e adversaries in life that makes life, life. otherwise, it would be meaningless to live on, for u have nothing to strive for, nothing to aim for.
haha...why am i talkin abt all this? its valentine's.
haha...goin off to do work...bye!
Because of u.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
in a terrible mood now. don feel like bloggin...crap. blah. rubbish. hogwash. bloody hell. nonsense.
Unsure.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Just came back frm dinner with jor and hz...now listening to mary j blige's new album, quite like it...later have to complete physics and lit.haha. good enuff.well, today's a funny day...i was reading physics, then i fell asleep...i was supposed to meet jor and hz at 5, but i slept till 5.15, and by then jor has called me twice...then...the irony of it all, jordan, who is supposed to be the latest, came the earliest, and hz was the latest...haha.
well, i guess hz hasn changed, but still, i still feel a bit bad...towards my class ppl of course...
well, we talked about quite a lot of things today...realised both of them are v conservative ppl...firstly, of course, is the polo tee that they liked...no offence, but i still don think teenagers like us shld wear polo.
then of course, is that they mind their gf wearing clothes that reveal too much of their body...i admit i don like it when girls wear pants or skirts that are too short, and those who have holes in other parts of their body other thant the ear,but i'm fine with the rest...i mean, its their freedom to wear what they want...its okayy to me, unless they really reveal what they are not supposed to...
we talked abt other stuff of non significance...then crapped. we ate quite a lot today, more than usual...the curry fish head rocks man.
and we were laughing at this old auntie who asked if we wanted any drinks..she asked quite a couple of times till jor got fed up...then he said if she asked again he wld raise his voice...then he didn...then when she walked passed hz kept laughing...and when we finally bought, and were abt to leave, she smiled and thanked us...we were like, stunned, and couldn stop laughing...haha.
well well...bought pauline's bday present with jor...v funny...kept havin word fights with jor...haha...i guess nobody won...his who cares attitude still wins.haha.
i'm quite happy today, just a bit confused over hz's matter...indeed, he's still the same hz, but i guess i don feel the same for him...things change i guess. he's no longer that good fren of mine, no longer the person who i worry abt all the time...i think i'm influenced by jor's attitude, i worry abt no one, worry abt nth...
hopefully its a good thing.
till then, cya.
O lvl results.
Friday, February 10, 2006
hmm...today's the release of the o lvls results, as well as my mum's birthday...so i guess my a1 for exp chinese is the best gift for her ever...it doesn matter if she's my biological mum...its e same.hahawell, marcus got an a2...and he's quite confused...he doesn noe if he should continue taking higher chi...i told him he shld, cos it will benefit him when he enters JC...but the choice is up to him...i will support him no matter what...lol. Cheer up dude!
huangzhi also got an a2...no comments on him.
wilson got an a2 also...but he's optimistic. haha.
well, our school did exceptionally well...so the stress is on us...stress arh!!!i guess i'll have to end my break and start working again..
here's a summary of our results.
100% pass for english, add maths and physics.
75% distinction for geog, 68% for lit, 46% (i think) for combined humans, 80+% for bio and chem...
that's crazy.
well, i hope we'll do as well, if not better...
just now i was having a teeny weeny bit of depression, but felt better after playing the piano...aft the divide over hz and marcus and company.
don wish to talk abt it..
haha.
dunno what i'm feeling now...just feel like slacking a bit, and do work later...
well well...CO's okayy, just that i chose not to deal with pearlyn...hope its e right choice.
nth else to say....just miss my class ppl.
ermx...this is something i thought of just now...
i am not a good friend, a good chairman, nor a good person, but i've tried my best, and will continue to try as hard as i can.
yeah.
see u guys on monday.
on MC.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
i decided to heed jasvin's advice and take a break...slept for dunno how many hours today...felt so much better. refreshed at least. haha.those ppl v funny..haha..realised i missed them a bit...and its so sad that i missed marcus's public speaking...
since i slept most of the day, there's nth much to say...haha.
cya guys tmr. haha.
Moved.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
i was readin this article in chi...i was a little moved by it...it made me wonder, am i really cherishing every moment of my teenage life?indeed, i am not into gaming, but at least i have a group of good friends...well, sometimes i wish time would stop, and i can really enjoy that moment to myself...its a painful realisation, but ever since i stepped into sec sch i have been stranded by problems of every kind...rarely do i get a chance to enjoy a moment of peace...and i have cried more than i did during my childhood days...is this what u call teenage life?
its tiring to lead this kind of life, but it is not up to me to decide if i want to. it never has.
haven been feeling well, so i went to the doc...bcos of a tummy upset i have 4 kinds of medicine..
n thanks marcus for accompanying me to the doc's and to buy the bday presents...u rox.
before i left sch some male teachers were playin soccer with students...they included mr ng, mr osgodby, mr tay...yeah. and we were like so shocked and watching it with such....wild attention. haha.
haiz...not sure if i shld go to sch tmr...i really don feel well, but i want to see my dear class. haha.
i shall decide tmr...till then, cya.
Sick.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
today when i arrived in sch, a few ppl said i looked pale...well, i didn sleep well last night, had insommia in fact. moreover i had diahoerra the previous day, n my stomach still doesn feel well...it was quite horrible. u were feeling unwell, and u couldn get to sleep. during PE, i still insisted on running, and i was stil fine...it wasn until we played soccer that i felt a pull in my neck muscle...it was so painful, and i couldn even turn to the right...so i had to stop. i was reluctant, but i had no choice.sigh...
i was feeling unwell, then had to enter cabin...so it was like, butterflies in my stomach in a cold room. felt terrible.
later, aft recess, i felt warm again, bcos we went to the chem lab and stuff...sigh. i guess i will fall sick.
didnt have the intention of goin co today, bcos of my condition..but i still went, cos sec 1s are there...ended up goin home super tired.
today during chi lesson i crapped with marcus and the rest...crapped abt lame stuff...
haiz. i'm so tired. don feel like doing anyth...let's see. do lit, a bit of physics and a maths. yeah...hist essay. maybe on thurs???no choice larh. too tired to do anyth...
wish me luck man.
cya.
ARGH.
Monday, February 06, 2006
super busy siah...goin crazy le. later have emath, chi, amath n physics revision, n lit. hist, i guess i only have time tmr...dieermx...today we had emaths timed prac, then those who didn wan to do could go to a A level maths class, none of my class went....maybe they didn know the venue.
well, e e maths timed prac was meant to drive ppl crazy, all on angles...
then v funny siah....aft i finished, i knocked on to the window near jordan...he opened, n when i said i finished, he slammed the window at me....guai lan. but that's him...
well, i'm feeling better today, so...i guess things are beginning to take a better turn...today marcus' having a headache, because of a lack of sleep....hope he's better now...right marcus???
haha...enough of my crap...have to do work now...hope i can finish at least 3/4 of my work...if not there'll be torture tmr. hahaha.
sigh...
decided to blog somehow...well, didn realli feel like to actually....once again, i'm stuck in between two grps of ppl...although marcus did say he was just joking at that matter, i still feel bad...i don wan to be unfair to ppl...
be back.
went to offer incense. today have to pai ti kong. or pray to the heaven.
as i was saying, i don wan to be unfair to anyone again...but u can never get the best of both worlds....wei guo's right, i shouldn be thinking so much right now...whatever it is, i should just let nature take its course. i cannot afford to care so much, for i am tired. really tired.
realised there's so much work left undone. for tmr, i have physics lit a math e math and hist...how am i supposed to finish them???
haiz...i realised i haven cleared the mess in my life...its still as messy as ever. i'm lazy to clear it. even if i cleared it, it will still become messy again, like my room. so i cant care less.
well, its late...i think i am goin to sleep...yeah.
read one particular blog frm gavin, and i agreed with something he said....time doesn heal wounds, it only makes us forget things....that's quite true. i will never get angry at someone for longer than a day (there's an exception), is it because i forget it fast enough???or is it tiring to hate or be angry at someone?
i just don feel good now...
saw this ad, there's a convention on boarding school in canada at 4 seasons hotel...its on this sat, i think i'll go and take a look.
well, when i saw the ad, i asked myself, are there still any things here in singapore that i cant bear to let go?
i don't know.
i don't know a lot of things recently. i guess i'm lost.
and...sorry marcus and wilson...soryy.
i hope i will be a better person, or for that matter, a better friend in the future.
going to sleep..nitex.
blah.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
its e weekend again...time flies.now listening to this v cute song...schnappi, a german song...lol. v cute siah.
ytd e sec 1s came for co, got 2 cellos and 1 double bass. haha. n there's 1 particular girl, super interesting...called me sir and justin boy...n i explained so long to her she asked me the same qn...she made lai mun laugh like hell...then when she left, the whole grp of sec 4s, including me lai mun wei guo and yi xuan, laughed and laughed...i noe we very bad, but seriously v funny...
n sec 4s get to choose to perform either for march or july's school's performance, n i chose the latter...cos we performing disney's songs...although played by co, it sounds nice...playing beauty and the beast, colours of the wind and lion king...cool.
now have a bit of dilemma....dunno whether i shld treat hz again...don wanna to be unfair to others...waiting for marcus to come online now, hope he does...hahaha
i went to catch huo yuan jia ytd, super cool....nice show.
changed my blog skin...still preferred the previous one...nvm, can always change. haha.
cant imagine wat will happen with that sec 1 around...hahahahahahahaha.i think she will make co fun. hahahahahahaha.
in school (2)
Thursday, February 02, 2006
muahaha...in com lab again, and its mr lim lesson again...marcus is trying to poke me. haha.its supposedly CME lesson, but u noe, mr lim don teach CME...
rubbish...so many things to do, later doin public speaking in front of the whole level...n so unprepared at all...
soooo much work siah. this weekend don have time some more. damn siah.
n tt hz...ytd he say hi to me, i gave him that guai lan look...wonder if i did the right thing....always like tt de...sigh, don care him le.
blah blah...don noe wat to write le...haha. so i shall let marcus use the com instead...haha.
cya ppl..n wish me luck for the public speaking.
home.
well, the public speaking was average...justin said i had an accent, and spoke a bit too fast that i didn pronounce the words as well as normal...i guess i was too nervous to realise that.
hmm...today had physics time prac, then aft tt we act wanted to watch huo yuan jia, but the person didn wan to sell it to sean chua, and when wilson tried, the person said tt there'll be spotchecks and there will be no refunds...being cowards, we didn watch. hhaha/
well well...marcus asked me this qn. which i didn get...haha. ask him again tmr.
hmm...this weekend is goin to be a disaster...sooo many things to do...but i guess its time i got used to it.
hmm...nth more to say...glad tt i will seeing those nuggets tmr...hahahahahahah.see ya!!!