Insanity is getting the better of me.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
What is insanity? that's a very...good qn. i mean it. those who are 'normal' think that those who do not belong to them are mad, but i don think so. what we know as normal is actually to follow what they are told to do; yup, normal ppl do not have a mind of their own. mad ppl, for that matter, dare to say what they really feel, and do not fear offending others. (right, marcus???) actually, i want to be mad. it is not a bad thing after all, for u get to do what u really want without having to worry abt what others think of u. yet, in the position i am in, i really cannot afford to offend anyone...i'm stuck.
this afternoon when i was doing my work, i stopped all of a sudden and thought....will things go back to the past? yes, i'm lucky to have soo many good frens around me now. but i'm afraid, to the extend of being paranoid...it all boils down to one thing. i still do not have enough self confidence...i'm afraid that i will do the wrong thing. the fatal mistake that will destroy the strongest of all friendships. but, am i capable of doing so? i just hope things will last...i do not want to become a person who lives on memories...memories will fade and die one day. i cant possibly be remembering everything...yet there is no eternity in this world....argghh...i am soooooooo confused.
well well...i got so much work to do tonight...physics, chem, then source based, then lit, then SS content...what else? and my hist essay. that's enough to kill me. HELP!!!!
sigh...i have been thinking of moving out...cos marcus is saying that he will be moving to spore to stay, at least during weekdays....but his sis is stayin with him of course...anyway its not bcos of that la. i just...want to be independent. i don wan my mum coming into my room n lie, n disturb me....lately i feel like crying. that desire to cry...yet, i am 'normal'. i cant cry in front of everyone...sigh...sometimes when i see jor or marcus. i feel like burst out and cry...i hate controlling myself...sigh. no choice.
goin to do work..byee.