reflection.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
decided to do some reflection..not very timely, but i guess...its the only time i can afford. n i feel like doing itm for that matter.till now, i am still unsure of how others think of me. not that it is important, but i don want people to dislike me, or even hate me. i try my best to treat everyone nicely, but sometimes i'm not sure if i'm overdoing it, to the extent that people think i'm fake.
i'm definitely not a fake person. i just...see friends as the most important people in my life. cant survive without them. and..in the past i used to treat some ppl particularly well, but i've learnt to change that...for the benefit of everyone i guess. being fair is...important.
well. even then, i'm not sure if i'm on the right track. in class i nag a lot. out of concern, but i guess its irritating some ppl...
weeks ago radiah and margaret asked me why i do so much for the class. n it really struck me. till now, i still cannot think of an answer. an absolute answer. i just felt that..this is something which will benefit both myself and others, so..why not do it? i mean, there's no harm...
he said tt i was just trying to be great..but seriously. why shld i? i've all the while been feeling very inferior...and nothing can ever, damn it, improve it. so why shld i use such underhand methods to make myself feel better? for what??
but i do agree with him. i'm nothing. i have thought of myself to be someone of great importance, someone of significance. i'm just a nobody, an average student from class 4T1. a student who feels happy with the accompaniment of boo gang.
sometimes i wonder if my depression is justified. i usually get upset over my relationship with others, nothing more personal. my point is, i get very upset when i have a conflict or quarrel with my frens, esp the better ones.
i'm afraid that such things will happen again. oh no, it won't.
all that i can think of is, i really don mean to hurt or irrittate or whatever. i'm just doing what i think is...right and benefitial...i'm human, i may be wrong...
its has been mugging and mugging lately. why do we have to? well...i still think results aint anything. we are studying now, to have a choice in the future. have a choice in our education, and later, our career.
do what you want people. don let your dreams die out. they are your soul to life.
study not because of getting good results, study because you want to achieve what you want later in life.
hope that i'm..not hated by anyone. love ya guys tons. cya.