disturbance.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
looks like i'm really becoming a disturbance to people, even to the closest friends that i have. i don't know how, but i guess being over reliant on someone has its disadvantages.does that mean that i've to revert back to my past? where i just don't show any emotions, don't talk much...and be a loner? instincts tell me that's the best way out.
but whether or not i can revert is another question. i have tried too hard for too many things, till i do not know what is it that i want at the end of the whole process. take for example, the most important ppl in my life, friends. it seems to me that friends have to leave me at the end, and i have learnt to accept this fact. so what's the point of me struggling so hard to keep friends? for the memories i suppose.
ultimately, i am left with very few things in life. after all that struggle, that hard work that i put in. probably i handle things in the wrong way, and if that is the case, i have only myself to blame. yet i cant help but to think that i deserve better.
so what can i do now? pray that that someone doesn leave? actually, i'm prepared for that person's departure. just that i don't want it to happen. i cannot bring myself to accept the fact that that person does not see me as a good friend. or at the very least, a friend.
but if the fact is as follows, i guess i have no other choice. life's always like that, it does not give you a choice. you just have to take it. unfair as it is, but it's life.
sigh...looks like my hopes for a good jc life is dashed. period.