well..chinese new year is here. lost abit in gambling at bao's house, other than that, there's nothing much to blog about.

i'm glad things are finally falling into place, and that i've that little joy to push me through the hard times that i am going to face in my next 2 yrs, despite the fact that there are ppl whom i don like in the school that i am in.

i must say, many things have happened recently...so much so that i'm shocked by them. hopefully my intervention in a matter would not destroy a friendship that was so hard to come by.

looks like i'm not in a position to comment anymore.

then again, fate controls most of the things which happen in life. there's certain people whom i wished i didn get to know, but yet...fate brings us together. we do not control it. or should i say, we cannot control it.

ok, enough. happy valentine's day!

its kinda ironic making this statement, when mine is not at all happy.

well, looked for a restaurant and cheap-er flowers for this good friend of mine...he gets to enjoy the fun while i enjoy the loneliness.

it's not even a date with myself.

i guess i can't complain anymore. firstly because i'm not in a position to, and secondly, it doesn't help improve the situation.

i was thinking on my way home today, whatever what that he wants to regard me as, or treat me in a future, i shall let it be...i'm tired. if i don't have a place in that person's life, then so be it.

can't believe i have to do work on such a...day.

to end off, my favourite poem. Valentine's.


Valentine

Not a red rose or a satin heart.
I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.

Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.

I am trying to be truthful.

Not a cute card or kissogram.
I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.

Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.
-- Carol Ann Duffy 4T1 did well!! especially shima, valencia anita and zhi hao, who scored 9A1s!! so proud of them!!!

i fared well also, with just one less A1 than them. hahah.

well, now the biggest problem for me is to decide between hci and njc. my family wants, or shld i say encourages me to go hci, but...i donno.

whatever. haha.

today's my mum's bday as well..happy birthday!! well, the day that i wanted it to come came. i spoke to him over msn..wonder if its bcos of fiona's talk with him, but i think i won't ask. some things are better left unsaid.

indeed.

even to why he will tell some of 4T1 ppl such stuff, i think i better not ask. and let things remain as it is now.

but did this day come too late? or is it good that it came late? bcos..i dare say, in terms of thinking, i am a changed person...or maybe that is a good thing?

whatever.

results going to be released in abt 5hrs time...

good luck to everyone taking results, esp to 4T1 and...ya. the both of u. haha.

cya guys later! i decided not to go to school today...somehow i just felt like sleeping and slacking. it wasn't that bad a choice, caught a movie and slacked.

what really caught me was this...how much do i actually want to go to school? frankly speaking, i never felt like going to school since day 1. is it because i lost the motivation to study, or to do things for myself? or perhaps, all this while i have been doing things for others, not for myself. and now, when i suddenly feel the urge to do something for myself, i can't. i can only study. whether or not its poly or jc, its still studying.

probably i have tried to make an impact on ppl, but failed. and so, after losing that prime motivation i had, i feel lost. everything else that i do seem wrong, and its like i'm wasting my time. i want to do something that i want to do, i want to work, and not study. i don't want to be pressurised by studying. but again, i do not have a chocie.

just as i thought everything was going to fall to place. it hasn't really been the case after all. it has been tiring to be me, and now, ironically, i don't know who's exactly is myself. i just feel like going somewhere foreign, and just be a loner.

now then i realise, its difficult to make friends, what more good friends. should i be happy with what i have, and stop thinking about all this, which will never have a definite answer?

maybe i should. i'm not sure if time crawled pass or flew during the past month. i haven't spoken to him for 3 weeks plus, and counting. i may never get to speak to him again.

i'm not sure if it matters that much anymore. i guess i've gotten over it, whether i like it or not. i mean, he already disregards me as a friend completely. what's there for me to be sad about?

i'm still deciding if i shld remain to njc, or to go to acjc, like what hz told me to. there are many decisions to make, and they are major ones which will affect my life. sometimes, i just don feel like facing and catching up with the rest of the world. it's tiring, real tiring.

well, today's one of the best days i had in njc. had a meal with bryan and zai, then accompanied them to do a medical checkup at bb. they are great guys, and i must say i am moved by their sincerity. before that i was still wondering if i could find any person i could really trust in njc, but guess i can really trust them ba...hope i won't be wrong again this time...i don't want to be used again.

abit busy lately..doing things which i don really wanna do. but again, its not a matter of choice. cya.