not in school.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
i decided not to go to school today...somehow i just felt like sleeping and slacking. it wasn't that bad a choice, caught a movie and slacked. what really caught me was this...how much do i actually want to go to school? frankly speaking, i never felt like going to school since day 1. is it because i lost the motivation to study, or to do things for myself? or perhaps, all this while i have been doing things for others, not for myself. and now, when i suddenly feel the urge to do something for myself, i can't. i can only study. whether or not its poly or jc, its still studying.
probably i have tried to make an impact on ppl, but failed. and so, after losing that prime motivation i had, i feel lost. everything else that i do seem wrong, and its like i'm wasting my time. i want to do something that i want to do, i want to work, and not study. i don't want to be pressurised by studying. but again, i do not have a chocie.
just as i thought everything was going to fall to place. it hasn't really been the case after all. it has been tiring to be me, and now, ironically, i don't know who's exactly is myself. i just feel like going somewhere foreign, and just be a loner.
now then i realise, its difficult to make friends, what more good friends. should i be happy with what i have, and stop thinking about all this, which will never have a definite answer?
maybe i should.