super short week.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
it's a super short week...2 days to be exact. no choice, forced to clear off...so i've the next few days to explore Singapore....alone. =)
sometimes i wonder what is wrong with myself...there's so many things left unsettled, and they are ultra screwed up as it is. every 2-3 weeks i will feel like a piece of shit, and wish that things around me were better. but upon reflection it is me making the same mistakes over and over again, and it is the mistakes that i make that result in the same reaction that i get from people around me.
why can't i just change? who will like the current me?
then again, what is the true me? i'm lost, like never before.
should i change so that others can better accept me, or be the real me? or should i try to compromise between the two, if it is ever possible?
and i will continue to do the things i used to do for others, till eternity.
oh gosh. when will i ever, ever change?
sometimes i wonder what is wrong with myself...there's so many things left unsettled, and they are ultra screwed up as it is. every 2-3 weeks i will feel like a piece of shit, and wish that things around me were better. but upon reflection it is me making the same mistakes over and over again, and it is the mistakes that i make that result in the same reaction that i get from people around me.
why can't i just change? who will like the current me?
then again, what is the true me? i'm lost, like never before.
should i change so that others can better accept me, or be the real me? or should i try to compromise between the two, if it is ever possible?
and i will continue to do the things i used to do for others, till eternity.
oh gosh. when will i ever, ever change?
long week.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
it has been a relatively long week, with the audit check on monday and tuesday. it didn't help much that i fell sick on wednesday and suffered a headache for 3 days in a row. still, the week ended...with practically nothing for me to do.
isn't life ironic. when you are busy, you wished you had a break. when you really have nothing on your hands, you wished you were slightly busier.
at least it applies for my case.
regardless, life has to go on. i'm just trying to enjoy such a relaxed life. a life which requires no need for perfection...
suddenly my interest in music has been reignited...but there is not enough time. is ns worth such a big sacrifice?
isn't life ironic. when you are busy, you wished you had a break. when you really have nothing on your hands, you wished you were slightly busier.
at least it applies for my case.
regardless, life has to go on. i'm just trying to enjoy such a relaxed life. a life which requires no need for perfection...
suddenly my interest in music has been reignited...but there is not enough time. is ns worth such a big sacrifice?
i'm tired. give me a break, will you?
first driving lesson.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
after a month plus of procrastination, i finally embarked on my driving lessons.
basically i only did turning left and right today...but that's enough to make me feel that driving is going to be a fun and exciting experience. haha. till the day i get my driving license...
_____________________________________________________________________________________
after a long week in camp and all the complications i face at home, i need a platform to express my innermost thoughts. but fairly recently, i finally learnt what it means to take things easy. yes, my perfectionist attitude has brought me to where i am today, but i paid a heavy price. total non-involvement in gaming has resulted in a lack of topic of conversation among friends; growing up in a competitive environment has resulted in relatively few people whom i can chill and hang out with. friends are either overseas, busy, or cannot be bothered at all.
even a simple coffee-stirring session can be quite enjoyable.
of course, it's not fair for me to blame anyone, that's how my life was made to be. or you could say that's how i made my life to be. and because of this, i tend to get overly attached to certain groups of people at every stage of my life. at the end of the day, when that stage comes to a close and the characters leave, i'm the one who has to struggle to move on. if i had known what it is like to take things easy, i probably would have better transitions along the way.
now that i finally understand this concept of 'taking it easy', all i need to do is to allow myself to adopt such a attitude towards certain aspects of life. it's a daunting task, and who knows how long i need. but i will try, for i need to move on.
thanks to the person who allowed me to gain enlightenment on this issue. =)
basically i only did turning left and right today...but that's enough to make me feel that driving is going to be a fun and exciting experience. haha. till the day i get my driving license...
_____________________________________________________________________________________
after a long week in camp and all the complications i face at home, i need a platform to express my innermost thoughts. but fairly recently, i finally learnt what it means to take things easy. yes, my perfectionist attitude has brought me to where i am today, but i paid a heavy price. total non-involvement in gaming has resulted in a lack of topic of conversation among friends; growing up in a competitive environment has resulted in relatively few people whom i can chill and hang out with. friends are either overseas, busy, or cannot be bothered at all.
even a simple coffee-stirring session can be quite enjoyable.
of course, it's not fair for me to blame anyone, that's how my life was made to be. or you could say that's how i made my life to be. and because of this, i tend to get overly attached to certain groups of people at every stage of my life. at the end of the day, when that stage comes to a close and the characters leave, i'm the one who has to struggle to move on. if i had known what it is like to take things easy, i probably would have better transitions along the way.
now that i finally understand this concept of 'taking it easy', all i need to do is to allow myself to adopt such a attitude towards certain aspects of life. it's a daunting task, and who knows how long i need. but i will try, for i need to move on.
thanks to the person who allowed me to gain enlightenment on this issue. =)
19.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
finally, i'm one year older.
and one year wiser.
and one year wiser.
I was busy the last week preparing for the audit, but was fortunate to get the day off on friday. went shopping with parents and bought a limited production watch and a pair of shoes. today was much better of course, bought clothes, berms, books and a shoe bag. went for seafood with khiam and ronald, which was really pretty cool.
i guess i finally understand what it means to not expect things from people, and just take things easy. it's not that it's bad to have expectations, it does allow you to break your own limits. but sometimes too high an expectation will only lead to disappointment.
take today for example. i'm one who isn't particular about celebrating birthdays. yet i'm hoping, or expecting rather, for a certain group of people to send a birthday message. should i hold no expectations at all, wouldn't I be a happier person, like I am now at this very instant?
i guess i've really learned and grown up. and i will move on with life
.
and i must constantly remind myself not to expect anything from anyone except myself, this may be key to happiness in my life.
cheers, everyone.
busy busy
Sunday, November 08, 2009
busy busy.
and so, what's your passion in life?
and what is happiness in life?
the list of question goes on.
and so, what's your passion in life?
and what is happiness in life?
the list of question goes on.
close.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
as the national examinations looms nearer by the day, my role as a tutor comes to a close. it has been a fruitful year teaching others, and i must say i have learnt a lot from my tutees, or rather, friends. i suppose teaching as a profession is not only noble, but much much greater than that.
there are really alot of things that i do not know and understand. the complexity of the global financial system, the unpredictable human behaviour, and the list goes on. i spend time trying to understand and find answers to the never-ending questions that i have. yet sometimes i wonder if there is a point in trying to understand everything. isn't the process more important? isn't the world more complete with parts of it never to be understood by us humans?
i realise in different stages of my life, there have been great people who helped me tide through the difficult times. i appreciate their presence in my lives, albeit short-lived. yet, till today, i'm not sure if there's someone whom i can safely say 'they/he/she will be there for me when i truly need it'. maybe that's my fate. but why bother? if that is how my life should be, then so be it. if the person turns up, it's a bonus. if he/she doesn't, life still moves on.
and so, this is how i live my life.
there are really alot of things that i do not know and understand. the complexity of the global financial system, the unpredictable human behaviour, and the list goes on. i spend time trying to understand and find answers to the never-ending questions that i have. yet sometimes i wonder if there is a point in trying to understand everything. isn't the process more important? isn't the world more complete with parts of it never to be understood by us humans?
i realise in different stages of my life, there have been great people who helped me tide through the difficult times. i appreciate their presence in my lives, albeit short-lived. yet, till today, i'm not sure if there's someone whom i can safely say 'they/he/she will be there for me when i truly need it'. maybe that's my fate. but why bother? if that is how my life should be, then so be it. if the person turns up, it's a bonus. if he/she doesn't, life still moves on.
and so, this is how i live my life.