tough.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
as the days go by, i find that i'm starting to lose myself. i'm beginning to say only certain things about someone in front of certain people...it's tough to find someone whom you can be candid and just say things without having to think of the repercussions.
and i'm beginning to question the things that i do in camp. are they actually worth my effort? i suppose people there just do not know me well enough, or i'm just a convenient scapegoat. why else would i be the prime suspect of something which i will never do?
days in camp are getting longer and more difficult to pass, and sometimes i feel that my patience is wearing so thin it can tear any moment. i feel like i'm only someone whom people will approach when something needs to be done; other times i'm just pretty much non-existent. or maybe existent to bring laughter to everyone except myself. it's beginning to get unbearable...it just gets more and more difficult to bear each day.
yet there are people who make my day, i am fortunate to know them by person but not fortunate enough to be working in their branch. i believe tongues will start to wag very soon - for me hanging out with their branch too often...when can i ever get the freedom that i want in camp? when would i stop being under the scrutiny of so many people?
and the group of people that could actually be my friends...who knows if i will still meet them after i step out of this camp? maybe we will never meet. or maybe we will, but as strangers. or maybe our relationship never extended beyond that of working partners.
who knows? only time will tell.
and i'm beginning to question the things that i do in camp. are they actually worth my effort? i suppose people there just do not know me well enough, or i'm just a convenient scapegoat. why else would i be the prime suspect of something which i will never do?
days in camp are getting longer and more difficult to pass, and sometimes i feel that my patience is wearing so thin it can tear any moment. i feel like i'm only someone whom people will approach when something needs to be done; other times i'm just pretty much non-existent. or maybe existent to bring laughter to everyone except myself. it's beginning to get unbearable...it just gets more and more difficult to bear each day.
yet there are people who make my day, i am fortunate to know them by person but not fortunate enough to be working in their branch. i believe tongues will start to wag very soon - for me hanging out with their branch too often...when can i ever get the freedom that i want in camp? when would i stop being under the scrutiny of so many people?
and the group of people that could actually be my friends...who knows if i will still meet them after i step out of this camp? maybe we will never meet. or maybe we will, but as strangers. or maybe our relationship never extended beyond that of working partners.
who knows? only time will tell.
tada.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
the previous week was really kinda boring, with nothing much to do. really have to find things to do to occupy my otherwise malfunctioning brain...
on friday though, went out with 3 other friends. timbre is really a great place to chill, great music and great pizza. the roast duck pizza is a must try. will definitely go there again.
on friday though, went out with 3 other friends. timbre is really a great place to chill, great music and great pizza. the roast duck pizza is a must try. will definitely go there again.
today however, was spent alone. not that i didn't enjoy it, but when i had that few quiet moments with myself, i tend to reflect alot. and i realise that i'm really lost, and unsure of what to do. i'm really not sure how long more i can last at my current state (and that includes working for my branch), and what to expect next when circumstances finally do change. regardless, catching a movie and doing cny shoppping did help abit.
speaking of movies, 'the blind side' isn't that good. it's just not touching enough i suppose. i guess i will give 'it's complicated' a miss for now, the next one that i will catch should be 'valentine's day'...i hope i didn't get the title wrong.
been watching alot of travel shows, and i guess i learnt that it is important that you follow your dream. and so, i've roughly planned out my travel plans for the next two years, and will probably start to research on the countries soon. whether or not i go alone doesn't really matter anymore. what is important is that i'm willing to take the first step...
gosh, i'm beginning to have second thoughts on a few of my resoultions made earlier this year. i hope i did the right thing...for i no longer trust anyone that i meet now. or maybe, just maybe, there would be exceptions.
holiday plans
Saturday, January 23, 2010
okays. here are my holiday plans for 2010-2011.1. July 2010: Beach vacation at Tioman/Redang
2. Nov/Dec 2010: Backpacking at Taiwan/Korea/Australia
3. June 2011: Backpacking at Eastern Europe/Canada
sounds great to me. lol.
duh.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
messed up, everything is just messed up.tell me what to do.
screwed up weekend? lolx.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
this week is the last of my 4 day week...which is kinda sad, really. on a lighter note, i'm 10months to ord!!!
friday wasn't that bad...just that fewer people than expected turned up. went for a movie shortly after. Did you hear about the morgans ain't that good, it's not as funny and not that touching. i preferred the proposal.
yesterday was an utter joke. Went to a play produced by my bmt mate walter and starred my classically handsome section mate maohui. the play was made up of, well, 3 short plays. the first one was so well done i did something really embarrassing....and made myself a living joke. the second was fine, and the third was interesting. difficult to understand but very thought-provoking. it's about how you know you could stop doing something but you still continue doing it again and again...i interpreted it slightly differently though. thought of something like a frame, a frame that you could never escape...
it was definitely a play well done by them, and i wish i could watch it again. this time without my addition of course. -.-
if you have read about the recent holloywood showdown on SLE on christmas, yea, i know that guy. haha.
ok...that's about it.
dinner.
friday wasn't that bad...just that fewer people than expected turned up. went for a movie shortly after. Did you hear about the morgans ain't that good, it's not as funny and not that touching. i preferred the proposal.
yesterday was an utter joke. Went to a play produced by my bmt mate walter and starred my classically handsome section mate maohui. the play was made up of, well, 3 short plays. the first one was so well done i did something really embarrassing....and made myself a living joke. the second was fine, and the third was interesting. difficult to understand but very thought-provoking. it's about how you know you could stop doing something but you still continue doing it again and again...i interpreted it slightly differently though. thought of something like a frame, a frame that you could never escape...
it was definitely a play well done by them, and i wish i could watch it again. this time without my addition of course. -.-
if you have read about the recent holloywood showdown on SLE on christmas, yea, i know that guy. haha.
ok...that's about it.
dinner.
confesions of 2009
Sunday, January 03, 2010
for the fun of it.
(x) stayed single for the whole year
( ) made out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) celebrated Halloween
( ) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
( ) broke someone else’s heart
( ) had a stalker
( ) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone (the broader form of relationship...)
( ) someone questioned your sexual orientation
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) had an abortion
( ) had a relationship with someone you’ll never forget
(x) done something you’ve regretted
(x) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe
OTHER
(x) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie & Fitch
(x) posted on a blog
(x) listened to music you couldn’t stand
(x) went to a sleepover
( ) went camping
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) visited a foreign country
(x) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren’t
(x) partied to celebrate the new year
( ) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you
In 2009 I…
(x) broke a promise
(x) lied
( ) went behind your parents back
(x) cried over a broken heart
( ) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
(x) slept under the stars
(x) kept your new years resolution (think I did...)
( ) forgot your new years resolution
(x) met someone who changed your life
OTHER
(x) painted a picture
( ) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie & Fitch
(x) posted on a blog
(x) listened to music you couldn’t stand
(x) went to a sleepover
( ) went camping
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) visited a foreign country
(x) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren’t
(x) partied to celebrate the new year
( ) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you
In 2009 I…
(x) broke a promise
(x) lied
( ) went behind your parents back
(x) cried over a broken heart
( ) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
(x) slept under the stars
(x) kept your new years resolution (think I did...)
( ) forgot your new years resolution
(x) met someone who changed your life
( ) met one of your idols
(x) changed your outlook on life
(x) sat home all day doing nothing
(x) pretended to be sick
(x) left the country
( ) almost died
(x) given up something important to you
( ) lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
(x) tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(x) met great awesome people
(x) stayed up til sunrise
(x) cried over the silliest thing
( ) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(x) had friends who were drifting away from you
( ) had someone close to you die
( ) had a high cell phone bill
( ) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
( ) went to the beach with your bf/gf
( ) saw a celebrity
(x) met great awesome people
(x) stayed up til sunrise
(x) cried over the silliest thing
( ) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(x) had friends who were drifting away from you
( ) had someone close to you die
( ) had a high cell phone bill
( ) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
( ) went to the beach with your bf/gf
( ) saw a celebrity
(x) gotten sick
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time
( ) became closer with a lot of people
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time
( ) became closer with a lot of people
2010!
Saturday, January 02, 2010
the previous post was largely on the previous year...i guess i would want to do a bit of new year resolution for 2010, especially when it's the start of a new decade.
1. Read more. I never realised that I actually do enjoy reading, especially good literary works. I guess it's the hidden part of me that was buried when I gave up literature after my 'O' levels. I've read quite abit last year, and I hope to continue this habit since I do have the luxury of time in camp...I will stick to the old pattern, alternating between fiction and non-fiction. I may pick up history books again too...another of my un-kindled passions.
2. Take things easy. Last year I saw alot of bad things happen, and I realise alot of times I have no control over them. It upsets me that the relationships that I hold are not working very well, and I have to tell white lies to please others. After putting much thought, I realise that certain things are just not meant to be. If it doesn't belong to you, it doesn't serve any purpose to hold on to it tightly. Maybe letting it go may improve the situation... Take things easy, and things may just turn out well. (That, of course, requires me to be less soft-hearted...)
3. Relax more, enjoy life as it is. Last year I came to know a group of people from different backgrounds. They may not be the most intelligent or intellectual people around, but they are indeed a group of amazing people whom i have and am still learning alot from. And the most important thing is to relax and enjoy life more, and keep my depression level to the minimum. I guess I'm more willing to try new things, and not restrict myself to the usual things that I do. I'm also getting better at dealing with my depression, I guess what's most important is to just stay cool.
4. Cherish the people around me. 2 years ago I saw the demise of my beloved grandmother, and I saw, right in front of my very eyes, how fragile life is. I may not have a very large social circle, but I do have good friends that I really do value. I hope that I will make a better attempt to meet up and catch up with them. People say that it gets more difficult to forge strong friendships as one grows older. This is an undeniable fact, and that is why I think I should cherish the people whom i can work well and get along with now. This includes many from the platoon i'm currently in. hopefully our relationship remains amicable and we will still meet up in the many years to come.
that's about it for now...
have a fantastic year ahead. =)
1. Read more. I never realised that I actually do enjoy reading, especially good literary works. I guess it's the hidden part of me that was buried when I gave up literature after my 'O' levels. I've read quite abit last year, and I hope to continue this habit since I do have the luxury of time in camp...I will stick to the old pattern, alternating between fiction and non-fiction. I may pick up history books again too...another of my un-kindled passions.
2. Take things easy. Last year I saw alot of bad things happen, and I realise alot of times I have no control over them. It upsets me that the relationships that I hold are not working very well, and I have to tell white lies to please others. After putting much thought, I realise that certain things are just not meant to be. If it doesn't belong to you, it doesn't serve any purpose to hold on to it tightly. Maybe letting it go may improve the situation... Take things easy, and things may just turn out well. (That, of course, requires me to be less soft-hearted...)
3. Relax more, enjoy life as it is. Last year I came to know a group of people from different backgrounds. They may not be the most intelligent or intellectual people around, but they are indeed a group of amazing people whom i have and am still learning alot from. And the most important thing is to relax and enjoy life more, and keep my depression level to the minimum. I guess I'm more willing to try new things, and not restrict myself to the usual things that I do. I'm also getting better at dealing with my depression, I guess what's most important is to just stay cool.
4. Cherish the people around me. 2 years ago I saw the demise of my beloved grandmother, and I saw, right in front of my very eyes, how fragile life is. I may not have a very large social circle, but I do have good friends that I really do value. I hope that I will make a better attempt to meet up and catch up with them. People say that it gets more difficult to forge strong friendships as one grows older. This is an undeniable fact, and that is why I think I should cherish the people whom i can work well and get along with now. This includes many from the platoon i'm currently in. hopefully our relationship remains amicable and we will still meet up in the many years to come.
that's about it for now...
have a fantastic year ahead. =)