happy 20th birthday.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
birthdays are supposed to be happy occassions. you spend it with your friends or family, and everyone is at happy.
or at least that's the way it should be.
i'm not saying that it isn't for me, like most other years i had dinner with jordan and hz. it's just that there are some things that i've wanted to express, and am not sure if today, being my birthday, is the best day to do it.
truth be told, i've been reading my blog entries, since the time i've begun to blog. i won't say that i've matured tremendously over the past few years, but i guess there is a significant shift from always mentioning that same few people over and over again, to how i really feel about certain issues and events. and even within those thoughts, there's a shift from the same few people, to more important issues and decisions that i have to make.
i guess it's true that as one ages, his priorities change. or maybe maturity plays a role.
i'm not saying that i no longer care about my friends. i just don't allow myself to be so affected by their well-being. i have learnt to value life more, and lead it the way i want to and not let others affect it as much as they did before. i also learnt to open up to more people, and have found more good friends in the process.
to be a little more specific, that few people that i always mention are marcus, wilson, hz and jordan. marcus is now pursuing a degree at Canada, and we still do talk to each other from time to time. rather unfortunately i must say, i am no longer as close to wilson as i was in the past. i won't delve into the reasons, i guess it's just because fate made it that way.
jordan and hz. the more troublesome part. we had quarrels, long periods of cold wars, and many many other minor conflicts. on my way home today, i thought about the entire thing hard. and i realise, there is no point in doing so. letting nature take its course is best. as you grow older, it gets more and more difficult to hang around and chill with friends, and just talk about literally everything. and being able to do that, at least for now, is good enough.
ok. so much for friends.
family. something that i have ignored for quite some time.
after the fall out between my parents and my maternal relatives, i still do keep in close contact with my aunts and uncles. i guess i'm just too used to the crowd to totally stop going to visit and hang around with them. especially with my cousins, who are all growing up into teenagers. but i still got to face the cold, harsh facts. that my parents are partially, if not totally, responsible for the fall out.
i'm not sure if i should say this. but there are times when i close my eyes, and i ask myself if i still love my parents. i am grateful for them raising me up, but up till this very day what they have given me is monetary support, and emotional support in the form of non-disturbance when i'm busy. true parental love? i'm really not sure. maybe that's their way of expressing their love. but for someone like myself, i really don't know if that is enough.
i guess this is something that won't be sorted out so soon. for now, i just want to enjoy my holidays (and hope that nothing particularly ugly happens), and live life the way i want it to be.
and yea, finally, happy 20th birthday.
or at least that's the way it should be.
i'm not saying that it isn't for me, like most other years i had dinner with jordan and hz. it's just that there are some things that i've wanted to express, and am not sure if today, being my birthday, is the best day to do it.
truth be told, i've been reading my blog entries, since the time i've begun to blog. i won't say that i've matured tremendously over the past few years, but i guess there is a significant shift from always mentioning that same few people over and over again, to how i really feel about certain issues and events. and even within those thoughts, there's a shift from the same few people, to more important issues and decisions that i have to make.
i guess it's true that as one ages, his priorities change. or maybe maturity plays a role.
i'm not saying that i no longer care about my friends. i just don't allow myself to be so affected by their well-being. i have learnt to value life more, and lead it the way i want to and not let others affect it as much as they did before. i also learnt to open up to more people, and have found more good friends in the process.
to be a little more specific, that few people that i always mention are marcus, wilson, hz and jordan. marcus is now pursuing a degree at Canada, and we still do talk to each other from time to time. rather unfortunately i must say, i am no longer as close to wilson as i was in the past. i won't delve into the reasons, i guess it's just because fate made it that way.
jordan and hz. the more troublesome part. we had quarrels, long periods of cold wars, and many many other minor conflicts. on my way home today, i thought about the entire thing hard. and i realise, there is no point in doing so. letting nature take its course is best. as you grow older, it gets more and more difficult to hang around and chill with friends, and just talk about literally everything. and being able to do that, at least for now, is good enough.
ok. so much for friends.
family. something that i have ignored for quite some time.
after the fall out between my parents and my maternal relatives, i still do keep in close contact with my aunts and uncles. i guess i'm just too used to the crowd to totally stop going to visit and hang around with them. especially with my cousins, who are all growing up into teenagers. but i still got to face the cold, harsh facts. that my parents are partially, if not totally, responsible for the fall out.
i'm not sure if i should say this. but there are times when i close my eyes, and i ask myself if i still love my parents. i am grateful for them raising me up, but up till this very day what they have given me is monetary support, and emotional support in the form of non-disturbance when i'm busy. true parental love? i'm really not sure. maybe that's their way of expressing their love. but for someone like myself, i really don't know if that is enough.
i guess this is something that won't be sorted out so soon. for now, i just want to enjoy my holidays (and hope that nothing particularly ugly happens), and live life the way i want it to be.
and yea, finally, happy 20th birthday.