there's a lot going through in my mind. and in my heart too.

it has been a good holiday, although it's spent entirely in Singapore. I've grown closer to certain people, finally convinced myself to let go of some others. in a nutshell, everything is going just fine.

an outsider may say that I'm thinking too much, but this stable life is disturbing me quite a bit. to say the least, it's too good to be true! and by experience, I know, for sure, that someone or something is going to come by and take something away from me. In life, you gain some, but you lose some too.

I just told someone close to me recently that life would be meaningless if it is all smooth-sailing. But here is where the irony lies. I want a meaningful life, but at the same time I'm afraid of events that would cause my loved ones to drift away from me. This inherent contradiction - I cannot explain.

Perhaps that's life - full of ironies, full of contradictions. But that is what makes life interesting and non-mundane.

And below is a letter, which I thought I want to read to a certain someone; someone who is like a younger brother to me. He may not get to read this at all, but at Christmas, you say the truth.

Dear brother,

We have known each other for quite some time now. I can only say thank you for allowing me to enter your life, and for giving me a chance to be like a brother to you - something that I dare not wish for in my whole 22 years of life.

It is an amazing journey thus far...I'm not sure how much of a help I have been to you, but knowing you and interacting with you have taught me much more things about life than anything else has. Though there are times we make each other upset, I am glad we patch things up and move on. I enjoy the times we spent together, and I cherish them more than I appear to be.

Eventually, you will grow up. I'm not sure if we will still be as close then. I am not going to speculate, because even if we do drift apart, I am glad we were once close. But I just want to say that I have faith in us as brothers. We may grow busy as we start to pursue our own lives, but I believe - and have faith that - we will still find time for each other, like how we do now.

But I'm prepared that you will outgrow me. I will be sad, but that's part and parcel of life. I know I cannot clip your wings forever. You have your own world, which you will spread your wings and fly into. As a brother, it is only right that I do not restrict you.

As you can see, I'm treading on a very fine line. I have faith in you, and I trust you, but I cannot be certain of what will happen in future. Regardless, I am grateful that fate allowed us to cross paths. Even if one day you may choose to not stay on, remember that my door will always, always be open.

Hopefully, there will come a day when you will tell me how you feel too. But it's okay. I have faith, and thank you for restoring that faith in me.

I wish you happiness in your life ahead. Remember, everything will be fine in the end, if it is not, it is not the end.

Merry Christmas.