It's been a long time since I last blogged.

I came back from the states, settled down, started school in Singapore again...and then things started to change.

Rather than describing what happened, I think I should talk about how I feel.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad. It's been 3 years...and they were good times. Fond memories.

I know it isn't completely about the girlfriend. In fact, I have to bear the bulk of the responsibility.

Because I don't know how to fly a kite. Because I don't know to let go when I need to; the string is now broken.

I cannot explain why I chose to be so nice to you, and to give you everything you asked for. Neither can I explain why it is so difficult for me to let go of you, and others whom I call close friends. This is not the first time it has happened. A few of my closest friends made a conscious effort to stay away from me, because I was being too close and 'clingy'. And I guess it's the same for you too. You are doing all you can so that I won't cling on to you.

I know where you are coming from. That's why I forced myself to let go. Not because I don't care about you anymore, but I know this is the best way for everyone. Certain lessons need to be learned the hard way, and it applies to the both of us. For you, I hope you will one day realise why I chose to do certain things, and why I do emphasize on studying and discipline. For me, perhaps I really need to learn how to deal with friendships, and stop making people feel uncomfortable.

Should I still hold any hope? I'm not too sure. I managed to work things out with the good friends whom I had the issues with eventually. To be honest, I still have that little bit of faith left in our friendship. If given a choice, I would like to believe that our friendship isn't just based on the things I bought for you. I would like to believe that we really had good memories together, and that we genuinely cared for each other, and meant each other well. Yes, we have disagreements, but who doesn't? When my interviewer asked me how did I make you trust me at the beginning, I was stumped for a while. I wasn't sure if it was because I always gave you what you wanted, or it was because you knew I would always be there, even though sometimes you would rather me not interfere with your problems. Or did you even trust me at all? I wish I knew how you felt. I wish I knew what I meant to you. I wish I could ask you if we could still be friends, even just normal friends. An occasional movie, good meal, chill-out, and help you whenever you want me to.

Now, I can only wait. Hopefully, there will come a day when you will allow me to sort things out, and be friends again. Without being so clingy. And I will stop making these silly mistakes.